Don't Follow me, I'm lost too

We as humans need to rest, we are not machines. We made ourselves chase what our mind wants, what we think can give us peace and success. But we are totally wrong about it.

I, being a civil engineer, my dream was to study civil engineering and start some kind of startup in the same field. I wanted to study in the top most universities of Pakistan, because I’ve always been an average student, I was never a topper but I had failed in many subjects. I might be the one who scored the lowest in her exams in the whole family. I thought studying in a top university would change things, my family would accept me with the average personality I have, I’d find friends, maybe good enough to find a loyal partner. But things got completely opposite.

I indeed got friends, but at each moment where they should be with me, they betrayed. And yeah, I got one friend, a good one tho, thankful to him for being with me in the bads. But that person is still the opposite gender, I thought things will get easy when my friend circle expands to girls more, but there is a saying that friendships of boys last longer than girls, and there are reasons behind that saying.

So first my perspective about friendship changed, I failed in that. My definition of friendship was way beyond heavier than people out here, I’m still holding on strong with that definition. Because that’s what makes me me.

It’s my last year of university now, I thought life would get easy after college but it didn’t, it got harder and harder, and the best thing is that I had to deal with it all alone. No emotional support, no mental support. I thought of a person to be by my side at those very moments but at the moments of fall he was also not by my side — so I also failed my perspective of being loved.

Coming towards the academics, I’m still an average student, and had also passed a few subjects just on one or two marks margin. I don’t know how all that happened, cause when I can’t help myself to cope up with my mental health alone I ruin my studies. When I was in my 3rd semester my GPA was well enough and I was happy with that. I had a situation that dropped my GPA from 3+ to 2+, I was like damn man a good sort of downfall. I tried to improve it and I did, but then again in 6th semester my situation was like boom — get panic, forget what you know about engineering and get an F or D in this subject. But life is still going.

It’s not only me who might be facing all this — academic downfall, relationship breakages, mental health getting worse and all that stuff. And I bet if I hadn’t left my home city and wasn’t here to live outside from my comfort zone, my brothers of course I would not have been this stronger. I had a time when I used to take a year for recovery from a heartbreak, and now just a week or so and boom you are all set.

The point here is I was getting into the scientific definition of happiness, and it never helped me. Maria mentioned the scientific definition of happiness as:

“An electrifying and elusive state, more than just positive mood, happiness is a state of well-being achieved by living a good life with a sense of meaning and contentment.”

What do you think about this definition? The definition itself is not wrong. Let me break it out in easy form. Happiness, in simple terms, is a state of well-being where you feel content, have a sense of meaning in life, and live a life you consider "good." It’s more than just feeling happy or having a positive mood it’s about living a life with purpose and feeling fulfilled 😊.

Main points:

• Well-being: Feeling good overall.

• Meaning: Having a sense of purpose in life.

• Contentment: Being satisfied with how things are.

Does that capture the main idea simply enough?

If I ask you how would you define happiness? A state to get after achieving or living a good life? Well, if that’s so I would say we weren’t ever happy in our lives, or we have forgot how to live a happy life. And to be honest I did so, I did forget how to be happy. I feel like I’m more of a robot now study, work, sleep, eat, smile. That’s happiness? No, it isn’t. I failed to be happy either cause I don’t remember a single piece of moment that really made me feel happy. And I still am chasing it. Like I don’t even know what things I’m doing to be happy.

And I’ve learnt one thing: if you are an expert of how to live happy you can do it all alone, but if you are like me who doesn’t know how to do things to get to that peaceful and happy state of your life, then find yourself a good circle, a good partner and loved one.

Let’s unlock Maria’s definition of Happiness, that might help us know who we are and what we are actually doing.

“While achieving success brings you sense of achievement and momentary feelings of happiness, success is not be all and end all of happiness.”

This means that success can give you a feeling of accomplishment and temporary happiness 🏆. 

But happiness in life isn’t just about achieving success, there’s more to it like relationships, well-being, and finding meaning 😊.

Do you agree with this idea, or do you think success plays a bigger role in happiness? Well if you think like that rethink about what I was three years before, I was happy I got admission in my dream university and am studying my favorite major, but things got a new turn. Success never plays the role for making you happy in the long run. Small things got to make you happy.

Like if I list what I can do for myself to get happy is getting myself a new beautiful abaya, get up and hit the gym if I really want the exhaustion to leave my body if it had taken out the entire me. Go for a walk with some good healing music. And the one thing that really heals my entire life mental trauma is just go do your wadu, pray and tell Him everything, go cry in front of the one who created you. That’s how things heal for me, that’s how I get happy.

Bonus tip: If someone wants me to be happy, buy me a beautiful abaya and bring a cup of good coffee, and let me feel the scent of your soul being near me that’s it. It will change my entire mood, to be honest I’m that easy, and people still tell me I’m difficult to be understood.

Back to the point of the chapter. If you really think all that we discussed made you feel you are not happy, and need a change. Go man, grab a cup of coffee, a pen and paper and stop yourself from risking your life to death. I mean it — don’t be a machine pretty soul, you were made to be in peace and to be loved by yourself, why be hard on your own self? Being a machine won’t risk your peace but it might risk a lot of other things — you might lose your relationships, your love might get away from you. You are going to regret it being that way.

Give yourself a break, don’t be toxic to yourself. And remember you are never alone. If you ever feel like that apply my secret trick of praying and crying in prayer and then watch the magic of your healing. If you can’t do that, do the bonus tip with yourself — grab a cup of coffee, go to the room where your partner is and get that head on his/her shoulder. Healing has its own states. LOL the choice is yours.

Okay, now there might be people who don’t want to do either of these things because they are for short term. What to do if we want to get over this thing permanently?

So here’s the technique Maria discussed in this chapter:

STEP 1: Identify the patterns that affect your positive energy.
STEP 2: Develop strategies to cope with those patterns.

The things I discussed before, unclosing these two steps from Maria, are basically the strategies. You can have your own personal strategies that can help you get what you want.My strategies are prayer, self-care, and little joys. Yours may be different. Find them, and hold on.

Final Note

Happiness is not a destination; it’s a state you nurture every day. Stop chasing it in achievements or people. Start creating it in the smallest acts of love toward yourself. Because you are not a machine, you are a soul, and your soul deserves peace.

💭 What about you? How do you define happiness? Share your thoughts in the comments; maybe your words will help someone who needs them today.

See you in the next blog.

Till then,

Love and peace to you.

Cheers